mother's day

realistically, i am well aware that every day is mother's day. 

every morning when i wake up my first thoughts are that of mom. when i get up at 1, 3 & 5am am to pee (thank you un-born son)- i'm mom. 

i peek in on my sleeping children because i'm mom. i make breakfast, snacks, lunch & dinner because, mom.
clothing is washed, floors are cleaned, hair is combed, noses are wiped, diapers are changed, pee is cleaned up, discipline happens, punishments are doled out, bribes are made, hugs & kisses are given & "i love you!"'s are said because i'm mom.

so yes. mother's day = every day & i have to tip my hat in acknowledgment to the corporate giants for lumping all of those days into 1 Sunday a year in order to boost the economy. well played Hallmark.

but it's still awesome. & while mom are always awesome- they're just a little more awesome this 1 day a year, you know? at least that's what my children tell me. 

so happy mother's day. yesterday, today & tomorrow & next week. & etc etc. 

as of late

random snippets from life that i want to remember forever.

brynn:
- lately brynn has been ending 95% of everything she says with "i rest my case!"
most of the time, this leaves me unsure as to an appropriate response because, after all, she's rested her case.
- she's taken to saying, "mom/dad/grandma, watch this!" & then she'll do something completely random. like scrunch up her face, blink her eyes 20 times or twirl around. then she'll look at you, with a huge grin, & await your response. & that response better be worthy of whatever she just did because if not, you're gonna watch her do that same thing about 50 more times until you. get. it.
- she calls alex "dear." like, "it's ok dear. i'll get that for you dear. do you want your juice dear? YOU'RE DUMB DEAR!" for the most part alex accepts this- but sometimes she's wary.
- she's been throwing these incredible tantrums. like, these bad boys are epic. they literally started overnight & at times i'm powerless to stop them. i usually balk. wait for my moment. grab her writhing body & toss her onto our bed & shut the door. then i breath really hard for a few minutes (cause you guys, i'm huge right now) & wait it out. once it's mostly quiet i'll sneak open the door, peek in & ask her if she's done. it's usually 50/50.
- she is still the sweetest little girl ever. hugs & kisses. so many snuggles & requests to be held. she's such a love bug & i simply adore her.

alex:
- she's been quoting lines from movies in a very dramatic fashion. some of my favorites?
* "but MOM! JUST LISTEN!" - Brave
* "but we're SISTERS! born of the same laugh!!!" - The Secret of the Wings
* "if i die, i'll die with HONOR!" - Mulan (this one was a bit worrisome at first)
* "this is my magic hammer, from my father." - Wreck it Ralph
* "i just don't see how a work that makes such wonderful things, could be bad!" - The Little Mermaid
the list goes on. & when she uses them in the correct context- it's brilliant.
- she likes to tell me "mom, it's ok!" whenever she does something "wrong". ie: trashes her room? "mom, it's ok. you can just clean it." wets her pants? "mom, it's ok. i'll just get new underwear." hits brynn? "mom, it's ok. she's SO ANNOYING!" etc etc.
- she's only ever hungry for juice or candy. me: "alex, are you hungry?" her: "ummm, yes!" me: "ok, what do you want?" her: "ummmm, juice & candy!" me: "too bad. you're getting a bagel." her : ::flips out::
- she's been holding actual conversation with us. it's incredible to sit & just listen to her talk. because she knows stuff, you know? & she can carry on a conversation about anything & everything. & she just loves to get our attention & just talk to us. it's so endearing.
- she's my mini-me. i see myself in her so much & it makes me giddy/terrified. i want to stop time & keep her as she is. but i'm also so looking forward to watching her grow. ::dramatic sigh::

& in case you've forgotten what we look like/want to know what we've been up to: (via instagram: lookatthebirds)

to sum it up: sisters, toddler fashion, i'm huge, baby boy clothes are fun & we've been getting our craft on.

happy friday. seriously- i'm tired, & ready for some mindless tv (Grimm- what what) so bring on the weekend.

staying home & easter recap

so i guess i'll stop bitching about how cold & miserable it still is. & how it was 32 degrees this morning & i had to blast the warm air in my car to rid the windshield of frost. & how i can still see my breath outside...in mid-april. because you're probably sick of it....right? ok. moving on.

(did you see that? did you see how i managed to still bitch about how cold & miserable it still is in mid-april while telling you i was going to stop bitching? it's ok, you can say what you're thinking- genius.)

i just finished my 2nd week of being home part time. you guys? it's super/sorta fun. even though it rained all this week & we were cooped up indoors- no one got seriously hurt.
we've managed to read every single book we own about 5 times & i've drawn more llamas pooping (it's a daily request. i'm handed the Magna Doodle & the words "mamma, you draw a llama pooping? please?" are uttered) than i care to admit.
i've stood perfectly still, whilst holding a flashlight above my 3 year old's head per her request  & admired her "perform" & incredible amount of popstar songs.
trips to Target have been short & not left me $100 poorer (i KNOW, right?) but it's allowed us to get out of the house & shame me into putting on actual clothing.

fantastic. i mean, i've also said "omg are you freaking kidding me?!" out loud (to a 2 & 3 year old) more than anyone ever should, but that's par for the course, am i right? high five. i got this.

easter recap time. easter was great. we're pretty big fans of Jesus (& candy- let's be honest) around here so celebrating His life, death & resurrection is something that fills me with joy. He is risen. i mean...just think about it for a minute.

yeah. awesome, right? i think so.

we don't "do" the easter bunny & yadda yadda, but after church we did indulge in some candy + baskets full of little trinkets. i also tortured my children by one again dressing them alike & making them pose for pictures. i also (with a lot of zipper help from the husband) squeezed into a dress & shoes that made me look presentable. i even combed my hair. like i said, easter was great:

looking back @ the past 3 easters- omg. my babies are HUGE!
i'm pretty stoked for next year's pictures- complete with little brother (AH!). & a dress that i can breathe in (seriously you guys, i was shocked i didn't bust a seam. as soon as i could i stripped it off & replaced it with my bathrobe. seriously glorious.)

happy friday.

first- thank you for the stay at home mom well wishes. i do know it's going to be a tough transition, but the more i think about it the more excited i get.

i don't feel like i've "missed out" on a lot of alex & brynn's every day lives, not at all. in fact, i feel like i've had a pretty nice balance of seeing things for myself & i've enjoyed hearing about things they accomplish when i'm not around- but, i am very muchly looking forward to this new phase.
of being present 24/7 (ok, maybe 22/5 because, hello, Pinterest). of providing breakfast, lunch & dinner 7 days a week. of reaching inside my brain & pulling out ideas, things to do that will fill 12+ hours a day. of needing to STOP & think before i say & do. of working on my patience. of etc etc etc.

it'll be nice. i'm sure of it.

moving on- i tried to pick up my camera more these past couple weeks. i think i managed to take all of 6 pictures. stellar, right? but i tried.

above is a pretty accurate depiction of saturday mornings. although i think this was a random monday that i had off from work. regardless- wake up (early!!!), take off clothes (why?!), eat breakfast, drink water, watch Dora. toss in a few time outs & that's a wrap.

a few hours later 1 child crashes while the other is sent to her room for "quiet time"- otherwise known as "make the biggest mess ever" & "let me blow wicked loud on this whistle that i found" time.

during these precious hours, the "crashed child" is my favorite. that's honesty people.

...& that's when i stopped taking pictures. because i'm lazy like that. so you'll just have to image the rest of a day filled with toys, books, princess costumes, more Dora, lunch, messes, timeouts, potty breaks, diaper changes, a trip to Target (yay!), me counting down the minutes until the husband gets home, realizing that those minutes are few & i should probably think about dinner, throwing dirty girls in the bathtub, combing wet hair, counting out vitamins, demanding a better toothbrushing job, books red, snuggles given, bedtime happening (oh joyous time!), showers taken, dinner finally eaten, collapsing on the couch, passing out. the end.

i'll bet you have a pretty good idea of what that looks like already.

back to pictures.
this sunday was Palm Sunday. it was also 30 degrees & windy. & there was snow & mud on the ground. & i'd picked out some lovely spring dresses that would have paired wonderfully with sandals. but those things don't really go together.

so spring dresses + fall boots + tights  came into play:

me: dress (Target), belt (Target), cardigan (Old Navy), boots (Born)
alex: dress (Old Navy), sweater (Target), boots (Aster)

brynn: dress (Old Navy), sweater (Target), boots (Next)

don't we look so springy? don't the girls look thrilled? don't you want to live in NH?

regardless, i had fun making us look matchy, matchy, matchy. we got so many compliments (at church) on our attire & i just hope they allow me to do this for a little while longer...like the next 10 years.

immediately after the husband took this picture, we carried tired girls into the house, stripped, threw on our jammies & spent the rest of the day at home. couching it, playing, eating, watching movies- it was wonderful.

& now i focus on this last week of normalcy before my new schedule starts, while the girls focus on trying to locate their Easter baskets before Easter. because, why not?

this is what's up

first off- it's march 19th & Easter is in less than 2 weeks. so like any normal human being, my mind is focused on flowers, new grass, warmer weather & possibly skipping the tights when donning our Easter dresses.

but no. today march decided that it has a love affair with snow & dumped a good 6-8 more inches off in our yard. lovingly, like it's a gift that we should thank the 3rd month of the year for. "what's this? more snow?! oh my! you shouldn't have!"

so now, saying the word "spring" feels like i'm saying a dirty word. in trying to educate the girls about the seasons (& justify buying more flip flops) i say, "yes! spring is coming soon...." & then i stand there all twitchy & bitter because i'm clearly a liar.
look at me- wearing wool socks, sweatpants & my bathrobe while uttering the words "spring is coming."
look outside- at the layer of white, frozen ground & freezing temperatures.
look at our propane bill-  dear God, look at it!

i could go on, but i think you catch my drift.

secondly- in 2 weeks my current working full time working mom status will change to a part time status in preparation for a...full time stay at home status. damn. i'm all kinds of excited/worried/freaking out/pumped/what have i done...
this is going to be completely new for me. i have ALWAYS had a job. always. i've never really seriously entertained the idea of staying home (at least not full time) & outside of maternity leave, the longest i've ever been at home with the girls (without a "reprieve") is a week. tops.

but adding a 3rd child completely changes the dynamic of our lives. there is also the fact that KB (nanny) will be leaving us at the end of this month to prepare for her own new addition (in may) & 3 toddlers + 2 newborns just wasn't going to be a viable option for any 1 person to handle. add onto that the random schedule of Pre-K that will start in Sept & the mind blowing cost of 3 children in daycare...well, that made our decision for me to stay home almost a no brainer.

thankfully, i'll be able to transition into this new role by cutting back my workweek to 3 days. i'll be working part time through april & may & wrapping up in june. that'll give me a few more weeks to get "used" to staying home 24/7 before baby bird #3 arrives. it also gives me a few extra weeks with my girls. just us- before we introduce a game changer.

wish me luck. or rather, give me ideas on what to do all day, how to stay sane, how not to go to Target every day, etc etc.

thirdly- i wish i had pictures to share. real pictures that have been taken with my real camera that cost me real money & that i should spend more real time using. but alas. i do not.

my iPhone has become my go to & even then, i don't take nearly as many pictures as i could/should. i'm actually going to be attending a photography workshop in May in TX & i'm really hoping it inspires me to pick up my camera more. besides being my part time business, it's also the tool i should be using to capture memories of my own family & i am failing. so hard. because i'm so tired & burnt out. & just...just.

but for now, a few iPhone captures.

moccasin day, dora coma, belly, Pre-K sign up day, judging cat, brynn snuggles, playday, naptime, fresh baked bread, happy st. patrick's day

it's a good thing we have so much girl stuff...

because i'll need to sell some of it to fund the purchase of suspenders, cardigans & Tonka trucks:

oh my. i "knew" it was a boy, but now i know it's a boy- you know?

i have brothers & a nephew, but i'll be honest- i don't know the first thing about little boys. but i really hope they like wearing princess dresses, because we have a lot of those.

boy oh boy. we're pretty stoked. pumped. psyched. anxious....& accepting the fact that in the future my toilet cleaning duties will double.

but for now we're just... ::squee:: !!!
& we're also eating cupcakes. many, many cupcakes.

snails vs trains

then: 18 weeks & 6 days

now: 20 weeks & 5 days

at first, pregnancy seems to crawl along at a snail's pace. 

- it usually starts with a hunch: "weird, i usually like toast & eggs so why does the very though of eating them horrify me..?"

- or sometimes it starts with a lightbulb moment: "i think i'll wear my favorite white pants today because they look fabulous on me! but wait, it's thursday...shouldn't i be playing it safe with black pants because my peri...omg! when is the last time i got my period?! omg!" ::frantic searching through bathroom drawers for a pregnancy test:: "oh shit, what does 2 lines mean again?!?!?!"  

- & then again, maybe you're a hardcore charter + symptom analyzer: "dude, i ovulated 12 days ago, i'm hot flashing like my mom & i want to eat all the foods. shit just got real."

regardless of how your condition came to light, to the light it came & with it all time slowed. no longer are there only 24 hours in a day, there are 300 YEARS IN A DAY! no longer is, "ok, we'll see you in 2 weeks for your appointment!" an acceptable response- no, "YOU'LL SEE ME RIGHT NOW AT MY HOUSE & BRING A PHYSIC!" 

4 weeks. nail biting, toilet paper inspecting, every twinge questioning.
5 weeks. rinse & repeat.
6 weeks. & again.
7 weeks. ok...it's almost safe. only 6 more weeks till my 2nd trimester....
8, 9, 10 weeks. oh my GAWD. i don't want to tell yet, but i clearly look like cookies are my favorite...
11, 12 weeks. when does this madness end?!
13 weeks. ::breath:: ok- we're good. hell yeah. "guess what world? i make humans. boom."

does that sound about right? maybe not, maybe you were chill & accepting from the get go & completely unaffected by the sudden crazy vortex that can settle on a woman after seeing 2 pink lines on a white stick.
if so, you should probably write a book full of your secrets because it's going to make you rich.

but, if you're anything like me, the above describes you pretty well. & i don't think there is anything wrong with that. we all want to be "safe". we all want our babies to be "safe". we all want the same thing, to be told that everything is ok & hold proof of that in our arms 9 months later. simple.

so waiting for that first appointment seems like forever. & waiting to see that beautiful heartbeat seems like an eternity. & waiting to get awesome blood results back & too see your body changing & to feel those flutters & then kicks & then watch your belly come out of nowhere- yeah, 300 years in a day people.

but then it's almost like a switch is thrown & all of a sudden you're on a train. a slow & pokey train that is quickly picking up speed & all of a sudden you can no longer make out single rocks & trees because everything is a blur.
this train is going really fast. & realistically you know that it's still going to take a while to get to your destination, but you feel like your final stop is going to be here before you know it & you haven't even started gathering your things.

i think that switch comes at a different time for every woman, but right now i just realized i'm 1/2 way there & i feel like i left the station yesterday. i haven't taken a nap or read my book or even opened my snacks.

ok that's a lie, i totally opened my snacks, ate them all & then cursed myself for not bringing more. but the other stuff, yeah- haven't done that yet.

so yes, for me the snail's pace has ended & i've switched over to warp speed. or hyper drive. or if we want to keep it in the animal family, i'm now riding a cheetah. or a unicorn (because i'm assuming unicorns are even faster than cheetahs).

i also think this switch has come a little bit earlier with each pregnancy. i'm sure my outside children have something to do with it. whatever it is, shit gets real overnight & the husband's "to do" list gets really long & thank God football season is over because "ain't no one got time for that."

however, i'm trying to take a step back & enjoy at the same time. yes, i'm incredibly eager to birth this baby & hold him/her. to count fingers, inspect ears & a nose & watch him/her blend seamlessly into the fabric of our family.
but whoa now, i also want to sit back & remember to appreciate the snail & it's pace. to enjoy the now. to really cherish this little bit of time i have left with just my 2 littles. to watch my belly grow & really marvel at what our bodies can do (because seriously?! it's insane). to watch winter turn to spring (ok i'll be honest, i want that to come faster) & spring to summer. to enjoy 1 more Easter, 1 more Mother's Day & 1 more Father's Day just as we are. to easily hold 2 little hands. to say, "4 tickets please!" a few more times. to just be.

that's my goal, because holy crap- 20 weeks & 5 days pregnant? yes, already.