this is where i dish on all the technical & completely non romantic/spontaneous piece to this whole baby #3 deal (ie: no, this is not a 50 shades of Grey baby)
here is my chart(s): http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c360d
April 2011: brynn turns 4 months old & my body decides that despite the insane amount of milk i am still producing, i should start having my period on the regular. so we decide, what the hell? let's make another baby. cycle#1 = no go.
May 2011 - July 2011: we give it the old college try. still no go. brynn is still breastfeeding. i go in for basic testing (in prep for an FET cycle) & all my levels = perfect.
Aug 2011: FET#1. we have 5 perfect blast left over from my 2 original IVF cycles. for this cycle we go aggressive & use the 2 leftover from IVF#2 & 1 leftover from IVF#1. i have a perfect cycle, perfect transfer, perfect #'s & a perfect transfer. no go.
Sept 2011 - Feb 2012: old college try again. brynn stopped breastfeeding back in Sept. still no go.
March 2012: FET#2. we transfer the 2 remaining blasts from IVF#1. this cycle was weird. i managed to ovulate through the Estrace intended to stop ovulation)- but we procede with a natural FET because the timing is perfect. again, perfect transfer, numbers, etc. still no go.
April 2012 - July 2012: more college trying. i start acupuncture in April & continue through July. i also take an insane amount of vitamins & supplements. i also make the husband take sperm supplements. you name it, we do it. still no go.
August 2012 - Sept 2012: we seriously consider taking out a loan for a fresh IVf cycle. but damn- $18k is a tough pill to swallow. we decide not to. we have 2 awesome kids & i'm going to focus on them. we'll keep trying, but we're not spending another cent. still no go.
Oct 2012: same old. i get my period. i ovulate. etc etc. BUT- this time it's different. i notice bright red spotting on CD 7. weird. i ALWAYS start spotting (brown) on CD 10. then my cycle starts on CD 12. like clockwork. but this time i spot on CD 7, 8, 9 & 10. it starts off red (CD 7) & then turns brown (CD 9).
my nose goes into overdrive. i can smell sounds. & colors. & dinner from 3 nights ago.
i'm tired. so hungry. & i get night sweats like mad.
then i realize it's CD 10. maybe i'm pregnant...?!?!
CD 11 & then 12 & i haven't spotted in 2 days. in fact, my period is MIA. & i know. i just know i'm pregnant. but i'm scared. because i'm probably not, you know? dude- i could have tested 3 days ago but i'm EFFING SCARED! if i see 1 line i'll probably punch something.
CD 13. monday morning. the house is empty. i've sent off the husband & the girls & i'm getting ready to leave the house for work. i have to pee. i say eff it, grab a First Response & pee on it.
i set it on the counter. i wash my hands (being careful to NOT look @ the stick) & then...i just glance at it.
2 lines. 2 VERY pink lines. 2 freaking crazy awesome lines.
i do this weird jerky dance thing, then i burst into tears & stop. i blow my nose. splash some water on ym face & tuck the stick in my pocket (hell yeah i did). off to work.
i'm happy all day. omfg. best secret ever (well, i tell 1 person. but it's only fair.)
& the rest is history. i call my OB & they treat me like any other normal pregnant chick & tell me they'll see me in a few weeks. i tell the husband...i honestly forget when. sooner than last time.
life goes on. i see the OB- pee on their stick- "Congrats!"
i go on a work trip. i take care of 2 toddlers. i go to the grocery store & buy Christmas presents. normal stuff. i wait 10.5 loooong weeks for an u/s (goodness!). 1 little baby. measuring right on track with a heartbeat.
sweet relief. i get my NT scan, everything looks great. more relief. we finally tell family & friends right around 12 weeks or so. boy bets are places. life decisions are inquired on. etc etc.
& now. i'm 14 weeks 2 days. i feel good. i don't look pregnant. belly pics haven't happened since 9 weeks because, yeah. there is nothing to see.
but i feel pregnant. the nausea has pretty much all but gone- it pops up randomly when i need to eat. i' at peace with the decisions we've made in regards to our future. i feel like i still have forever but then i realize this pregnancy is already flying by. i pray pray pray for a healthy baby. i'll take a girl. i'll take a boy- whatever works. whew.
so there you go. we are SO thankful for this baby. s/he is an absolute blessing. i have no idea why 2 FET's failed & 15 other college try cycles ended in BFN's. in His time. it's actually very humbling for me. it makes me sit down & realize that it happened when He decided it would. not me. & whether that had taken 2 cycles or 18 or even 36- it was His decision. his gift to me. dude. mind blown. God's pretty bad ass.
i had actually JUST gotten to a place of acceptance & letting go. letting go of being sad & angry. letting go of being annoyed & questioning "why, why, why!?" a few blog reads (from other ladies going through the same thing) were more than helpful. i saw so much faith & trust. & once again, i was humbled. i wanted that. i needed that. i think maybe he was waiting for me to get there. i don't know.
& that's that. this is MY story. this is how it happened for ME. i don't want anyone to think i'm pushing my beliefs or thoughts on the matter onto them. & i'm definitely not telling anyone to relax. Lord knows i never did. to this day i still don't think "relaxing" has any say in this whole baby making thing.
this is just what happened with me & what led me to this point.
many thanks to those who thought & prayed. i had ment'd our struggled on instagram & i was more than thankful for the reach outs & good thought & prayers. thank you thank you!
& i continue to pray for those that i know are still on this journey themselves. whether it be for baby #1, #2, #3 or #7. it doesn't matter. my prayers are coming your way- boom.
& this was a novel. my apologies. but looking at charts are fun, right? or am i the only weirdo who thinks that?